Worlds Apart Together

I live in two worlds simultaneously
the nightmare
and the fantasy

Sometimes both seem to blur into one
perhaps thought as ‘reality’

When in the nightmare world
you can speak of your fantasy land
pick it apart
think of its components as false
talk of all the lies
until it seems a distant place
a farcical dream of the mind

If you live and give life to this nightmare
denying fantasy but desiring escape
it can only end tragically

When in fantasy world
nightmare land must not be talked of
to give words to such thoughts
gives them unknowable power
particularly if its a fantasy you are trying to share
for words do not and can not care

Thoughts even without being uttered
will tear the world around you
until you are in your nightmare domain
for both worlds exist in the same place
on the same plain
that individual and personal space
your brain

Like everything it is your mind
you have only one
and I think for some it knows
only one world and it calls it
‘reality’ ‘normality’
or other words that refine and define
and are empowered by a person
and paraded by society

What value this notion of a one world has
I could not say
because I could not fit
in ‘it’
too many questions
and a life which lead out of such a place

So now I live like anyone else
my perceptions and preconceptions
constantly in flux
in the world of conflicting states

But I acknowledge this
thinking individually
and try to live a life of fantasy

________________________________________________________________________________

The Utopian Dream
First you crave it
unknown
not knowing what you crave

Then piece by piece
you realise
you recognise
the holes
the desires
the missing

In time you begin to dream it
a hazy dream
a feeling
a few persistent thoughts
become rooted in your mind

Now fertile
you cultivate
you let thoughts flow
and exponentially they grow

Unnumbered
unordered
ideas
thoughts
desires
fill and swell
beyond the cavity of your skull
beyond the networks of you brain
beyond the beating of your heart
and when all is over taken
all thoughts thought
all desires desired

you sleep

And in that sleep
one
single
unified
unique
dream is dreamt

________________________________________________________________________________

Woods

As I walk through the dark woods
I am lost and I am alone
but I am happy to be so
for in here
may come the unknown

life regains its mysteries
its uncertainties
in here
romanticised in the nature of my mind
the horrors
the pleasures
the notions of sublime
all the possibilities
afforded to me
as part of human kind

but perhaps I’m not so happy
maybe I should return home
because in these dense woods
I face the unknown
and don’t think I can do that on my own

________________________________________________________________________________

Utopia
the place of dreams
a place to belong
but no one comes from

to arrive then
settle, to feel settled
a place to go to
to get to
but to slow

so slow
like evolution slow

just a dream then

a place to dream of
while awake
an idea
hundreds of ideas
contradictions
and impossibilities

maybe its a place
constantly changing
improving
and constantly settled
familiar
belonging to that place

a distant promise
an inevitable disappointment

_______________________________________________________________________

a search
an expedition
a striving for
intangible
ideas
for the felt
the experienced
the recognisable
the relatable
a search
an expedition
a striving for
intangible
ideas
for the felt
the experienced
the recognisable
the relatable
a search

_______________________________________________________________________

A cycle of promise and disappointment

The promise of ideas
The promise of fun
The promise of play
The promise of reason
The promise of purpose
The promise of sublime
The promise of utopia

The disappointment of mundane
The disappointment of detachment
The disappointment of failure
The disappointment of fragility
The disappointment of loss
The disappointment of the inevitable

The promise of disappointment
The disappointment of promise

_______________________________________________________________________

Unknown

after walking in the woods
the woods of the tall trees
there is a clearing
the plants that reigned so fiercely over head cease there hold on the land

new sensations come to your tired feet
unwalked paths become your every step
the grass is long and wild

the cold dark sky meets the ground
with the crisp sound of frost crackling as the grass stiffens
green turns white and glistens in the stray beams of moon light
beams that seem strong and empowered after their fight through the deepest black clouds

clouds gripped by the winter wind
swarm into every empty expanse of sky

in the distance
beyond

an unnatural light penetrates the now lowering fog
with each line of blue illuminating the sky
with each strand that meets your eye
a mystery of the unknown
what origin has this phenomenon grown

stop
transfixed
like a kid first time gazing the stars

a chill
the world as you knew
the home that made you
this is not it
this is new

the skys move
the wind grows

your eyes peer unknowingly into

blue
more blue
transpiring in front of you
tall
sharp
lines
cut and divide this eerie translucent view

with an inward breath you think of a return
to step back amongst the trees
the comfort of familiarity

with the outward breath you step forwards
with everything you have learnt
no answers have been found

so you walk on to new ground

_______________________________________________________________________

A Gap

A place is a memory
A memory of the spaces before it
A recording of the past
A space for future memories

Unknown and untold memories
Unknowable and unspeakable
We can only make our own
Can never know others
Can never know a place beyond what we see
Life is personal

Places and spaces
Are shared
Experiences and lives
Are shared
But we are separated
We can only know the personal

I can know my own interpretation of another’s communication of their personal
But never know anything outside my own personal
My own world

My own world may look, feel and be experienced similar to yours
But I can not know your world
Its always mine
I know your world exists
Everything I experience
Tells me it does
But it is yours

The gap between my world and yours, is reality